Interrogation smileys

I'm sorry I'm not more skilled or, in fact, motivated to make this graphic more legible, but you can find it via Phaedo. It's part of an interrogation diagram...a real U.S. government one. Not a parody, despite appearances to the contrary.

Here are some close-ups:









The chart is part of a larger document that contains the text you see on Phaedo's site: "Visit the database every time you spend time with any of our esteemed guests. Tell the database about what fun conversation you and your guests had."

I saw it in the LA Times Sunday story about medical professionals and Abu Ghraib torture (more on that in the next post), and truly, I did not believe it was real. I had to go hunt it down, and even now I am having one of those "at any moment I will wake up and this will all have been a very bad dream" experiences.

I was already a bit over the edge when I tracked down this latest atrocity. The prospect of Gonzo as our AG has me feeling desperate about the state of things. Andrea reminded me of my own line (first articulated in reference to something completely different), "The camel's back broke a long time ago. You're just realizing it now."

"Think of who he's replacing," she said. I argued that Ashcroft, while Satanic, was only a minion to the Devil compared to Gonzales, who seems high-priestlike to me. "He's just differently evil," she said. I disagreed.

The thing about this administration and this moment in history that's so shocking to me is the brazenness of our venality, our lack of apology about our own reign of terror at home and abroad. I am not a naive person; any of us on the left know about horrors of Vietnam perpetrated with a wink and a nod, but it wasn't written into policy and, were it, we wouldn't be considering the architect of the policy for Attorney General. Shit, in the Reagan era when that band of crooks completely circumvented democratic process, they put up Ollie North as a fall guy and all shook their heads in dismay over his actions, happy to have a lone gunman. Now no one even feigns remorse or a basic level of respect for human rights. Bring back the sham! I want to at least believe they know that what they've done is wrong in someone's eyes, if not their own. All of which led to Andrea identifying me as "a liberal in the best sense of the term" because I still believe in the rule of law.

And I do. I wrote a whole goddamned dissertation about the Constitution. I can tell you, our republic is legitimized by the law. That's the platform upon which we've built our nation. And why? Because we did not have the already-legitimizing foundation of birth or religion. That's why the Constitution begins "We the People"; in reading it, we assimilate ourselves into the republic--we move from being private people with individual concerns ("interests" in the words of the oft-misunderstood founders) to rights-bearing citizens.

All of which is to say I really do think we're fucked, folks. But more on that note tomorrow.

More reasons to disdain the French

Okay, I admit it. I don't disdain the French at all. In fact, I just got out of a two-hour work meeting that I disrupted three times with my snazzy pen that lights up in red, blue, and white, and plays Les Marseilles when you click it. Hurrah for tourism kitsch and basically anything that keeps me mildly entertained during meetings about meetings. Yeah.

The only real solution to my work load currently is to undertake some sort of human cloning project. Blogging will likely be of the light "get a load of that--har, har, har" variety until 1.work lets up a little and 2.the rain lets up a little. Thinking about Gonzales or the Iraq elections during the dual deluges makes me want to lie in traffic too much.

So...har, har, har. Here's one for you:

Excerpts from the Sunday LA Times' dueling obituaries piece, "Sontag vs. Derrida: A Deconstruction Derby":

You should feel dumb because

[Sontag was] "the most intelligent woman in America" (New York Daily News)

[Derrida was] "the smartest man in the world" (Raphael Simon, The Times)

And because

Sontag was 33 when she published her first famous essay collection, "Against Interpretation"

Derrida was 37 when he published his first three major philosophical tomes, including the essay collection "Writing and Difference"

It was the hair, apparently

Sontag was a "strong-featured beauty with a trademark streak of white shot through her unruly black hair (New York Daily News)

Derrida was a "snowy-haired French intellectual" (Associated Press)

The president says he's bummed out

No

Yes (Jacques Chirac)

Had to share obituary pages with

Jerry Orbach, actor

Christopher Reeve, activist/actor

Probably wishes hadn't said

"The white race is the cancer of human history."

"The least bad definition of deconstruction is a certain experience of the impossible."

Contrarian comment about Sept. 11

"Whatever may be said of the perpetrators of Tuesday's slaughter, they were not cowards."

"The brevity of the appellation (Sept. 11, 9/11) points out the unqualifiable by recognizing that we do not recognize or even cognize that we do not yet know how to qualify, that we do not know what we are talking about."

Say what?? I guess that's one way to avoid the death threats Sontag had to deal with after her statements on 9/11: be so inscrutable no one even knows whether you're a "patriot" or not.

Paper or plastic

Apropos of nothing, I pass along the story of Dean Wooten who was fired from Wal-Mart for photoshopping his head onto a body naked save for a strategically placed Wal-Mart bag. It was Wooten's need to share the photo with customers explaining that Wal-Mart was rolling back costs for uniforms that got him the sack, as it were.

Wooten said he did not see the harm in the photo, which he said was made by a friend who spliced a picture of Wooten's head onto a shot of another man's body.

"When I first seen it, I pretty near died laughing," he said.

Have I mentioned that it's still raining here in LA? It's getting increasingly difficult to maintain a good humor, that's all I'm saying.

Tag lines take two

So I mulled and mulled about a tagline for NMTE, and I finally decided on "blogging while Rome burns," but now I'm having second thoughts. Which do you guys like?

1. blogging while Rome burns
2. some of my best friends are liberals
3. civil rights canary in a fundy coalmine

I was trying to work something in with the word "kakistocracy," but I didn't come to anything.

Or I could just change it on a regular basis.

Thoughts?

Who will bake the cookies?

China has made selective sex abortions illegal. The potent combination of a one-child policy and capital-P Patriarchy means that 119 boys are born in China for every 100 girls, a ratio the government is attempting to change:

"The government takes it as an urgent task to correct the gender imbalance of newborns," the official Xinhua news agency quoted Zhang Weiqing, minister in charge of the National Population and Family Planning Commission

Because I am in a rush and because my friends are so smart, I will give you their thoughts here. The story came to me in an email that said this:

How do we feel about this? On the one hand, it's a victory over misogynist medicine. On the other, it's a blow against reproductive choice in a place where there's already not much of that (and where choice and abortion have a very different relationship to one another than they do here...)

To which there was a reply from another really smart friend that included this:

Probably the only reason the government wants to put a stop to sex-selective abortions is that they worry there won't be enough women to clean and cook and twiddle the wee-wees of Chinese men.

I'm thinking maybe Cosgrove should move to China. He'd have a field day with legislation there. Anyway, talk amongst yourselves...

AP headlines brought to you by the letter "duh"

Feminists Face Tough Times After Election

With incisive commentary like "some of Bush's best friends are women":

Bush, of course, can make a strong case that he respects women — his new Cabinet will likely have four, including Condoleezza Rice (news - web sites) as secretary of state, and women for years have been among his closest political and legal advisers.

Beyond Washington, meanwhile, women are making impressive professional gains — as big-city police chiefs and university presidents, for example. They now comprise roughly half the enrollment in U.S. medical schools. And though a wage gap persists, woman now earn 80 percent of what men do, compared to 62 percent in 1980.

Gee whiz. What are all those bra-burners complaining about then? If a woman can be a big-city police chief and earn 80% of what a man does...well, good for you, honey.

Abbas Sees 'Difficult Mission' After Win

Mahmoud Abbas declared victory in Palestinian presidential elections on Sunday after exit polls showed him winning by a wide margin, giving him a decisive mandate to renew peace talks with Israel, rein in militants and try to end more than four years of Mideast bloodshed.

Good luck with that. And can we all just agree to stop using the word "mandate." All it means is that someone was elected, ferchrissakes.

Plum Job Opportunities Await Old Cabinet

Given their employment options, former Cabinet officials are less likely than former members of Congress to become rank-and-file lobbyists, he said.

Several officials who left during Bush's first term quickly found new sources of income.

Well, I'm relieved to know they won't be clogging up those welfare rolls.

What spider venom isn't bad enough?

In our ongoing "decline of the American empire" category, we see that four people were paralyzed from injections of raw botulism, marketed as a cheap alternative to botox. At least they were couples. Perhaps there's some comfort in that. "Gee honey, your forehead looks so smooth. Bummer the ventilator is messing up the photos so much."

The difference between us and them

You know, the problem with the cowboy mythos is that you can't tell stories like this:

BEIJING, Jan. 7 -- During his new year visit to Northwest China's Shaanxi Province, Premier Wen Jiabao urged that safety must be improved this year to avoid mining accidents. The premier even shed tears with the family of a dead miner as he listened to their memories of the deceased. Below are excerpts of comments incited by this moving scene.

. . .

Wen conveyed his sympathy for those who have suffered from accidents. His tears were not only for the victims of the Tongchuan coal mine disaster, but also for other lives lost in the country's frequent coal mine accidents caused by low-level human error.

. . .

www.rednet.com.cn: During his new year visit to the families of victims who died in the Chenjiashan Coal Mine gas explosion, Premier Wen Jiabao shed doleful tears for those who lost their beloved relatives. His tears moistened this afflicted land and warmed the hearts of all Chinese, who can now feel cared for and cherished by the government.

From Premier Wen's tears, we see how in touch he is with the feelings of the nation. His dining with on-duty miners in a coal shaft about 1,300 metres underground, his tears for the boy who lost his father in a major coal mine accident and his pledge to help poor miners overcome any adversity, all demonstrated his love for the people and his low-profile manner.

From Premier Wen's tears, we see his willingness to become close to grass-roots communities. He vows to bear all tribulations together with the people and he bravely shoulders the responsibility of the successive coal mine disasters.

From Premier Wen's tears, we see his resolution and expectations. He stressed the importance of improving coal mine safety and went deep into a mine for an inspection. His words and deeds displayed the nation's firm stance on promoting production safety.

Showing more concern for the grievances of common people and sharing their trials are what government officials should learn from Premier Wen.

. . .

Instead we get read-it-and-weep stories like this:

It hurled like a cannonball into Dennis and Cindy Davidson's house, right through the wall of the bedroom and onto the bed where 3-year-old Jeremy was sleeping.

The huge boulder continued its path, crashing through a closet before finally stopping at the foot of 8-year-old Zachary's bed. Zachary would be fine. Jeremy was crushed to death.

. . .

The A&G work crew did not learn about it until an hour later, when a mechanic driving home at the end of his shift passed the Davidsons' house and saw the ambulance. After asking what had happened, he returned to the mountaintop to alert his co-workers.

The [mining] agency contends that Jeremy Davidson died not because the laws were lax but because existing laws and rules were broken. It has accused A&G of "gross negligence."

. . .

Many residents are angry at the agency, believing it has failed to protect them. Some never complained, saying they knew that nothing would come of it. Local legislators appointed by Gov. Mark R. Warner (D) to a panel overseeing the investigation said they were struck by the level of frustration.

"Not only are they down on the coal companies, they're down on DMME," said Sen. Phillip P. Puckett (D-Russell), who attended a four-hour meeting with residents last month. "The last thing they said to us was, 'Thank you for coming and hearing us, but we don't think you're going to do anything.' There's an issue of credibility."

Try crying, Phil. It works for Wen.

I'll bet Bush's approval rating would go up if he'd let a couple of tears dribble down his chin now and then. No one would need to know he was weeping because the pet goat foiled the robber and saved the day. Come on Bush--where's the love? Put some compassion in compassionate conservatism.

Fuck Ohio; let's dance

It's been pointed out to me that I have a running resentment about the inaugural. I'll admit I do think 40 million dollars (not counting security) is an excessive amount of money to spend on a coronation big fuckfest of a party. What's more, I hate that it's been designated a "National Special Security Event" (I can't even tell you how grateful I am that I no longer live in Washington--witnessing the celebration after Gulf War I was enough--a celebration, I might add, that resulted in Pennsylvania Avenue caving in because it could not withstand the weight of the victory tanks rolling down the road. No lie.) Finally, it makes me unspeakably sad that people are finding my website after searching for "commander and chief ball" and "dress code."

So yeah...I have a resentment. And on that note, I bring you more Kid Rock lyrics:

One day I'll probably walk with a limp
And drive a big Lincoln
Wearing an unbuttoned shirt
And be a fifty five year old pervert
But for now rap's the occupation
But watch one day I'll be Pimp Of The Nation
Hoes are rustlic
Daddy's in the house
We got hoes and hoes and hoes
Prices are low
We pratically given the coochie coo away
Shake the booty
Shake that booty
Its not a bake sale
Its a cake sell
God Damn It
Pimp of the Nation, I could be it
As a matter of a fact, I for see it
But only pimpin hoes with the big tush
While you be left pimpin Barbra Bush

(hat tip to Simply Appalling)

Shouldn't we be giving that money to tsunami relief efforts some of you are wondering I know. Well, the bipartisan answer seems to be: No ma'am!

"I don't think it will help anything in Sri Lanka if the balls were, you know, peeled back in terms of the inauguration," former President Bush said Monday on CNN's "Larry King Live." "I think they're separate questions, and the country - our country - can do a lot of things at the same time." [I, on the other hand, am hard pressed to walk and chew gum simultaneously.]

Clinton said on the same program: "I voted for the other fellow, but President Bush won this election fair and square. And he ought to - he ought to be able to have his inaugural. And his supporters should be able to celebrate it, however they see fit. And I don't think that it will detract one red cent from the money that we will give privately or publicly to this relief effort."

The emperor's new war

In honor of the news that Wolfowitz is staying, I bring you this piece from the 28 February 2003 New York Times:

In a contentious exchange over the costs of war with Iraq, the Pentagon's second-ranking official today disparaged a top Army general's assessment of the number of troops needed to secure postwar Iraq

. . .

Mr. Wolfowitz, the deputy defense secretary, opened a two-front war of words on Capitol Hill, calling the recent estimate by Gen. Eric K. Shinseki of the Army that several hundred thousand troops would be needed in postwar Iraq, "wildly off the mark." Pentagon officials have put the figure closer to 100,000 troops. Mr. Wolfowitz then dismissed articles in several newspapers this week asserting that Pentagon budget specialists put the cost of war and reconstruction at $60 billion to $95 billion in this fiscal year.

. . .

Neither Mr. Rumsfeld nor Mr. Wolfowitz mentioned General Shinseki, the Army chief of staff, by name. But both men were clearly irritated at the general's suggestion that a postwar Iraq might require many more forces than the 100,000 American troops and the tens of thousands of allied forces that are also expected to join a reconstruction effort. . .

In his testimony, Mr. Wolfowitz ticked off several reasons why he believed a much smaller coalition peacekeeping force than General Shinseki envisioned would be sufficient to police and rebuild postwar Iraq. He said there was no history of ethnic strife in Iraq, as there was in Bosnia or Kosovo. He said Iraqi civilians would welcome an American-led liberation force that "stayed as long as necessary but left as soon as possible," but would oppose a long-term occupation force. And he said that nations that oppose war with Iraq would likely sign up to help rebuild it.

. . .

Mr. Wolfowitz spent much of the hearing knocking down published estimates of the costs of war and rebuilding, saying the upper range of $95 billion was too high, and that the estimates were almost meaningless because of the variables. Moreover, he said such estimates, and speculation that postwar reconstruction costs could climb even higher, ignored the fact that Iraq is a wealthy country, with annual oil exports worth $15 billion to $20 billion. "To assume we're going to pay for it all is just wrong," he said.

Shinseki, of course, has retired from the military and is on the lecture circuit.

For this, I would have moved to Seattle

I've been inside working all morning. And outside it's been raining. Rain, rain, rain. As it was yesterday, and as it will be tomorrow. To understand why this is significant, you must know that I live in Los Angeles:

The storm, which began battering California from San Francisco to Los Angeles on Thursday, was "hellbent" to continue through Monday with up to 2 feet of rain in some of the higher mountain elevations in and around southern California and up to 12 inches of rain in lowland areas, Keeton forecast.

Scattered showers and wind gusts were expected to continue through Wednesday, he said.

In Los Angeles, one man was killed and another injured when the hillside tent in which they were sleeping was buried by a mudslide, officials said.

In Malibu, another man was killed after a vehicle slid off a highway, down a 20-foot cliff, and ended up halfway submerged in the Pacific Ocean, said Los Angeles County Sheriff's Lt. Randall Dickey. Four other people sustained minor injuries in the accident.

In a Los Angeles County canyon, rescue workers searched all the way to the ocean but were unable to find a man who jumped into a rain-swollen creek.

A man and his two children were pulled alive from the rubble of a hillside Los Angeles home which collapsed and was totally destroyed, fire officials said. They were taken to an area hospital with minor injuries.

Throughout California there were hundreds of reports of evacuations and power outages due to flooding and heavy rains.

As many as 12,000 people in Los Angeles were without electricity after felled trees disrupted power lines, officials from the Los Angeles Department of Power and Water said.

"The soil is getting very saturated which is dislodging the root systems for trees and brush so they become unstable," said spokeswoman Kim Hughes.

Which is to say, I'm glad I finished work while I have power. Meanwhile, major parts of Europe seem to be under water:

In northwestern England, meanwhile, the centre of the city of Carlisle was largely underwater, with locals sheltering on upper floors, watching cars float past in the street below.

Thousands of people were forced to abandon their homes in the city on Saturday evening, being rescued either by boat or by helicopter from the roof, local police said.

Four people were killed in Denmark -- two motorists who died when trees crashed onto their cars, and two others who were killed when a roof blew off a building, police said.

In southern Sweden, two motorists were also killed when trees fell on their cars, and a third died when a car hit him as he tried to remove a fallen tree from a road, media reported.

Copenhagen's Kastrup airport closed down for several hours, as did the Malmoe Sturup airport in southern Sweden, as hurricane force winds of up to 151 kilometers (94 miles) an hour lashed the region and authorities urged people to stay indoors if possible.

. . .

Around the British Isles, trucks toppled over, river banks burst, people were evacuated from flooded houses and uprooted trees blocked dozens of roads.

. . .

In contrast, Prague was bathed on Saturday in an unseasonal temperature of 13.8 degrees Celsius (57 Fahrenheit) the warmest January weather ever recorded in 230 years of official records.

Global climate change? What global climate change? I want my SUV.

Size does matter

So says Consumer Reports in their overview of condoms. Who knew they rated birth control?



I gotta hand it to CR; this is a pretty progressive set of articles. They have brief information about abortion on one page including this:

In the U.S., the fatality risk with mifepristone is slightly less than 1 per 100,000 cases, compared with 0.1 per 100,000 for surgical abortion at 8 weeks or less. Pregnancy itself carries a fatality risk of 11.8 per 100,000.

And they slam the CDC for a no doubt fundy-inspired revision of their fact sheet on condoms:

The online fact sheet on condoms by the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, at www.cdc.gov, used to begin with this statement: “Condoms are effective in preventing HIV and other STDs.” The fact sheet was removed from the site in 2002 and was later replaced with one that states, “The surest way to avoid transmission of sexually transmitted diseases is to abstain from sexual intercourse ...” or be in a long-term monogamous relationship with someone whom you know is not infected.

The new fact sheet also omits descriptions of the various condom types, information on which lubricants are safe to use with latex, instructions for how to properly use a condom, and references to anal and oral sex, for which public-health groups recommend condoms. A CDC spokesperson said the new fact sheet is more science-based than its predecessor and is meant for health professionals, but critics, including experts on reproductive health, charge that it puts ideology before science and encourages distrust of condoms.

For plain-language instructions on using a condom, use the Web site of the nonprofit American Social Health Association, which the CDC recommends as a resource: www.ashastd.org.

And then there's this: "If you obtain condoms from Planned Parenthood, avoid the low-rated scented Honeydew," which I'm here to tell you is good advice aesthetically speaking as well. I cannot imagine why any of you boys would want your dick to smell like a melon really.

Site of the month

The official page of North Korea. I personally love the music. If I were still dissertating, I'd play those mp3s over and over to inspire myself while writing.

As an aside, let me say that I wasn't even going to post anything (or much) today because I have "real" work to do (the stuff they pay me for), but as I've been sitting at my computer, link after link has come in via email from Andrea, who is either procrastinating in a most astonishing fashion or working on what will be a knock-it-out-of-the-park dissertation chapter (or both). More from our correspondent in the field later today.

In other news from Beijing

It seems they're opening the first Starfucks there.

I'll take a latte with an extra shot of depo please.

Have I mentioned that I hate capitalism?

I really do. I know it's seen as intellectually immature or somehow naive to disdain the free market, but what price "freedom" I ask.

From Xinhua:

BEIJING, Jan. 5 -- An international consulting company says the economic impact of the tsunamis may not be as severe as initially thought.

The director of the New Your based Euroasia group, John Green says the tourism industry may suffer in countries like Thailand, but it's not good to be overly-pessimistic.

He says most of the hardest-hit regions in Indonesia and Sri Lanka are not travel destinations so economic losses in these regions may not be as huge as anticipated.

"Thailand may suffer ahead to its tour economy, maybe one-third of its tour economy will take a serious hit, but that's only six percent of total Thai economy, so even Thailand, the economic damage won't be severe."

Moment of silence

I know a lot of us don't do this sort of thing, but could we just take a moment to pray together, please.

Pictures at an execration

Photos from yesterday's hearing

Get your protest on

So I have determined to stay in LA for the counter-inaugural festivities here rather than returning to DC/ground zero. Last week's 18 1/2 hour airport extravaganza was the clincher.

Regardless, who has brilliant sign ideas? The group of us who are going are thinking along a "W stands for..." line. Maybe: W stands for Warmonger, W stands for Weasel, W stands for Wingnut...that sort of thing.

Anyone else? What signs will you be carrying on the 20th?

Epilepsy dog. . .

. . . really does sound like a band name to me. But the BBC story on the doggy disease is worth the click just for the photo.

Half the sky, 78% of the pay

In honor of the Bitch's decision to cut bait, I am finally getting around to posting AAUP's fact sheet on gender equity in higher ed. In a nutshell:

The American Association of University Professors (AAUP) has released an update on gender equity in academia. The sad story is that the 2003-04 figures show little improvement in the salary gap over twenty-five years of higher education history.

Among full-time faculty, for example, 38 percent are women. But among full professors, only 23 percent are women. Conversely, women are well represented among the lower ranks; women are 58 percent of all instructors, 54 percent of all lecturers, and hold 51 percent of all unranked positions.

The report on earnings shows a similarly skewed picture. On average among full-time faculty, across all ranks and all types of institutions, women earn 80 percent of what men earn. While this disparity can be explained in part by the uneven distribution across ranks, as described above, there's more to the story. At the full professor level, for example, women earn about 88 percent of what their male counterparts earn.

Apparently, the higher the institution's prestige, the greater the gender gap. At community colleges without faculty ranks, women earn on average 96 percent of what men earn. The gap grows at baccalaureate and master's institutions, where women earn 89 and 87 percent, respectively, of the male average. At doctoral-level institutions, women earn only 78 percent of the average male faculty salary.

(via Resource Shelf)

Can I get back to you on that?

So yes, I stayed up late riveted to the transcripts of the Gonzales hearing--like watching a disaster movie. I can say this much: I doubt I would have been awarded a PhD if I responded "um... I'm not sure" during my defense as many times as Alberto did at his hearing. Has the man been cooking with aluminum pots or what?

Here are some highlights:

Gonzales to Specter on the Inspector General's report on detention of aliens:

. . . I am aware of the report by the inspector general. I haven't reviewed it in great detail. I understand that the department has made most of the changes recommended by the IG. Obviously, it's something that I am concerned about.

As to the specific two cases you mentioned, I'm not aware of the details of those cases.

And as to the standard, quite frankly, Senator, that would be something I would have to look at and be happy to get back to you in the event that I am confirmed.

Gonzales to Dewine on prioritizing:

Senator, I wouldn't be so arrogant as to assume today that I have all the information that I would need to make that kind of prioritization.

When pushed here, Gonzales came up with the oh-so-concrete:

. . . I'm not sure that an attorney general can afford to focus in providing or dispensing justice in one area to the exclusion of the other. And so I would hope that, certainly at the end of four years, it would be said that Al Gonzales did the very best he could and hopefully was successful in ensuring that there was justice provided to Americans all across the spectrum on a wide variety of issues.

He then recited a laundry list of important items, including civil liberties and civil rights(!), concluding with "my goal, as impossible as it may be, or it may seem, is to try to ensure that justice is administered across the spectrum." (This was another point in the hearing that I was hoping someone's staff would get turned into an asp or something.)

Gonzales to Graham on the Uniform Code of Military Justice:

Would you like me to try to answer that now, Senator, Mr. Chairman?

Specter: Yes, Judge Gonzales, the question is pending.

Gonzales: And the question is do I believe that the military lawyers' judgment that --

Graham: -- the techniques being espoused in the memo may put our troops at jeopardy under the Uniform Code of Military Justice. (Pause.) And if you don't have -- if you want to look at -- take some time, that's fine.

Gonzales: Thank you, Senator.

Graham: I mean, that's a very -- I want sometime later for you to answer that question, but you don't have to do it right now.

Specter: If you want to think it over, Judge Gonzales, and respond later --

Gonzales: I do. Thank you, Mr. Chairman.

Gonzales to Feingold on recommending execution for Carl Johnson, whose lawyer slept through part of his trial:

. . . I -- I don't remember the facts of this particular case. But we may have gone back, our office may have gone back and seen that yes, in fact, this question of ineffective assistance of counsel had been reviewed numerous times in our courts and had found the allegations frivolous.

Feingold: Well, that's -- this is a very famous case. It's hard for me to imagine that you don't know the specifics of it. And it's almost unimaginable to me that a final formal legal memo to the governor would not have included reference to the fact that this man's lawyer slept during the trial.

Specter: Senator Feingold's time is up, but, Judge Gonzales, you may answer the question.

Gonzales: I don't have a response, unless there was a question.

Gonzales to Schumer on the constitutionality of a filibuster when voting on judges:

Senator, I have no views as to whether or not a filibuster is constitutional. We view that as an internal Senate matter --

Schumer: We know the Constitution. We're asking you to be attorney general. Are there any words that say "only majority vote for judges"?

Gonzales: I'm not aware of that, Senator, but I'd -- please give me the opportunity to go back and check my Constitution.

Gonzales to Brownback on telecommunications mergers:

. . . I have not become an expert on those regulations but obviously would talk to the experts in this area and would be happy to visit with you at the appropriate time and share with you my view after becoming more educated about how this process works.

Brownback: Do you have any thoughts in particular on the telecommunications industry? . . .

Gonzales: I do not, Senator. I really would like the opportunity to study this issue more and be happy to visit with you at the appropriate time.

Gonzales to Brownback on the Defense of Marriage Act:

Before offering up a definitive conclusion about that, Senator, I, of course, would want to talk to the lawyers at the Department of Justice. . . .

Gonzales to Feingold on DNA testing of people who have been executed to confirm whether, in fact, they were guilty:

Senator, I think -- that's something that I would want to look at. I hesitate to comment on legislation without looking at the specific language of the legislation. . . .

Gonzales to Durbin on whether it's legal for US personnel to torture people:

. . . I don't believe so, but I'd want to get back to you on that and make sure I don't provide a misleading answer. But I think the answer to that is no, that there are a number of laws that would prohibit that.

Gonzales to Durbin on the disproportionate number of minorities in prison and on death row:

Senator, I have a vague knowledge about the statistics that you refer to. I believe that if we are going to have the death penalty -- and this is consistent with the president's beliefs -- that it should be administered fairly and that only the guilty are punished. If, in fact, the case is is that only minorities -- Hispanics and African Americans -- are receiving the death penalty, it would be hard for me to conclude that that is a fair system. . . .

Durbin: I'm afraid I believe the challenge goes beyond death penalty issues. Drug crimes are another illustration where disproportionately black and brown people are imprisoned over drug crimes . . .

Gonzales: I will commit to you that I will look at that, Senator.

And Gonzales to Kennedy on ghost detainees:

Senator, I really would like the opportunity to re-review this memo. . . .

He's a real think-on-your-feet kinda guy, huh? Was this some sort of a pop quiz or something? Did Fredo get his dates wrong and think the hearing was next month? What up? I just wish Feingold or someone would cut to the chase (e.g., "With all due respect, Mr. Gonzales, are you fucking idiot? Did you review any written documents at all before this hearing or think about your position on any legal matter?"). What a fuckwad.

Anyway, y'all can chew on that for a while. I have a boatload to do here today.

"The highest standards regarding ethics"

I've just spent three hours reading the Gonzales hearing transcripts. Good god--and they called our guy a waffler. In any case, though I suspect many of you may have watched the hearings, highlights will follow tomorrow because I can't help myself. In the meantime, this comment from Gonzales seemed worth calling out just for the sheer brash preposterousness of the statement:

Senator, I hope as attorney general that I would have and would commit to this committee to have the highest standards regarding ethics. Let me just also say that I do very much understand that there is a difference in the position of counsel to the president and as attorney general of the United States. As counselor to the president, my primary focus is on providing counsel to the White House and to the White House staff and the president. I have a very limited staff. The staff doesn't have the expertise or the experience in a great many substantive legal issues. All those are decided in the Department of Justice. I do have a client who has an agenda, and part of my role as counselor is to provide advice so that the president can achieve that agenda lawfully. It's a much different situation as attorney general, and I know that. My first allegiance is going to be to the Constitution and the laws of the United States.

You know, I really wish I did believe in god so that I could at least hope for some supernatural force to just smite folks mid-sentence when they say shit like this. The only end to the hearing I would be really happy about involves the nominee being reduced to a smoldering pile of ash.

And while we're talking about Gonzales

let me also say that I expect to hear, any day now, that The Onion has gone out of business, because frankly, when you read AP headlines that say things like "Attorney General Nominee Against Torture" what place is there for satire? Maybe they were right--perhaps irony is dead.

What we have here is a failure to communicate

From today's White House press briefing:

Q And then the second question real quick, going back to Ohio, going back to Mark's question, you talked about conspiracy theories; people need to let go of conspiracy theories. Well, does the administration understand that the voting system still in America has problems, and that is some of the reason why there are people who consider conspiracy theories? What do you say to the fact that people are considering issues that the elections process is flawed? You have machines that are flawed, that you don't have a paper trail. What do you say about that?

MR. McCLELLAN: How many times were the votes counted in Ohio?

Q Excuse me?

MR. McCLELLAN: How many times were the votes counted in Ohio?

Q But that leads to the fact that --

MR. McCLELLAN: How many times were the votes counted in Ohio?

Q That leads to the fact there was a problem. What do you say about that?

MR. McCLELLAN: That the decision in the election was very clear. It was a decisive win, and the American people want us to get about doing their business. That's what I say.

Go ahead.

Q But when can we get the elections process right for --

MR. McCLELLAN: I'm going to move on. Go ahead.

Q -- for us not to have to keep recounting like Ohio?

MR. McCLELLAN: Go ahead.

Q Scott, Chirac said today he's going to come to Washington . . .

Someone was clearly having a little cut-and-paste problem with the teleprompter over there.

It was the best of states; it was the worst of states...

While Herr Governor is an embarrassment to me, I do have one of the best Senators on the hill. Boxer today signed on to the objection over the Ohio votes forcing the House and Senate to convene to discuss that state's "voting irregularities." (Have I mentioned how much I hate this euphemism? Can we just say "voting crimes" or "sorry imitation of democracy" or something else?) Needless to say, the challenge did not change the final results, but it did require debate and a vote (Senate 74-1, House 267-31). AP says:

Democratic leaders distanced themselves from the effort, which many in the party worried would make them look like sore losers. Bush won Ohio by 118,000 votes and carried the national contest by 3.3 million votes, and Kerry himself — meeting with troops in the Middle East — did not support the challenge.

The debates were tinged by memories of the 2000 election, when Bush edged Democrat Al Gore after six weeks of recounts and turmoil in Florida.

"There's a wise saying we've used in Florida the past four years that the other side would be wise to learn: Get over it," said Rep. Ric Keller, R-Fla.

Yeah well, you know what Ric--we've got a wise saying in LA too: Fuck off.

Update: Here is the roll call for the vote to object.

WTF

From BBC:

Even those who posed hostile questions in the Senate praised Mr Gonzales' character and his progress from an extremely poor immigrant family, via Harvard University, to become a Supreme Court justice.

His opponents concede that they are not likely to prevent his appointment as the successor to Mr Bush's first attorney general, John Ashcroft.

I guess not.

They praised his character? Say what? I get that there's nothing lawmakers love more than an example of America's permeable class structure, but his character??? The architect of our current torture policies. Nice.

Of course Fredo says he did not have sex with that woman advocate torture in any way:

The Texan judge defended a robust US policy on terror suspects, but denied that it was responsible for the Abu Ghraib scandal, which he said was "simply people who were morally bankrupt having fun, and I condemn that totally".

I, for one, am not comforted by this explanation.

What's wrong with my generation

Inspired by this post over at Newspipe, I wanted to share one of my very favorite Harper's Readings from a zillion years ago (more than ten).

From "Nostalgia: A Neuropsychiatric Understanding," a study on nostalgia-producing odors presented in October 1991 at the annual conference of the Association for Consumer Research by Alan R. Hirsch, M.D. As part of the study, 989 individuals were interviewed in a Chicago shopping mall; below are answers that respondents gave to the question "What odor causes you to become nostalgic?". . .

Nostalgic odors for people born in the Twenties, Thirties, and Forties

Pine	Roses	Hot chocolate
Fish	Lilies	Manure
Honeysuckle	Violets	Attics
Cracker Jack	Baking bread	Soap
Figs	Cut grass	Blueberries
Cinnamon	Ocean air	Meadows
Hay	Clover	Petunias
Tweed	Meat balls	Split-pea soup
Fresh air	Burning leaves

Nostalgic odors for people born during the Sixties and Seventies

Play-doh	Chlorine	Crayons
Rubber fish bait	Marijuana	Tuna casserole
Downy fabric softener	Dirt	Smoke
Airplane fuel	Disinfectant	Refineries
Motor oil	Tacos	SweeTARTS
Cocoa Puffs	Urine	Garbage
Windex	Hair spray	Plastic
Ferns	Old socks	Dog waste
Baby aspirin	Feet	Mothballs
Exhaust	Mosquito repellent	Factories
Nail polish	Enchiladas	Candy cigarettes
Suntan oil	Scented Magic Markers	Burning tires

I totally get this. Vicks vaporub is one of mine for sure.

When I first moved to Wisconsin from DC I used to get homesick when I heard police and ambulance sirens. Now that I live in LA, I am sure if I ever move from here the sound of helicopter blades will make me misty-eyed for the city of angels.

California uber alles

So my *sigh* Governor made his state of the state address last night. It was, as one might expect, a call for no new taxes, elimination of employee protections, and so on.

Let me provide a brief translation of some passages:

. . . I do not like this budget at all. It does not solve our ongoing structural problem, because our deficit the following year will be even worse.

. . .

Let me tell you something. I am well aware there are lives behind those numbers. But I have a responsibility for the fiscal health of this state and for the honesty of its finances.

Translation: It's all about the bottom line, baby. I know lives are at stake, but frankly, I could give a shit. I want to save some money. Can you say Darwin? I knew you could.

The more we reward excellent teachers, the more our teachers will be excellent. The more we tolerate ineffective teachers, the more our teachers will be ineffective.

So, in the special session, I propose that a teacher's pay be tied to merit, not tenure. And I propose that a teacher's employment be tied to performance, not just showing up.

Translation: I think the teachers union should go fuck itself. What I really care about is how well our teachers are preparing students for standardized tests. Our new education policy? Four words: teach for the test.

Thanks to the Performance Review and the leadership of Secretary Rod Hickman, the Youth & Adult Correctional Agency - an agency with a $6 billion budget and 54,000 employees - will be the first agency to be reorganized. Its need is the most urgent. It is an agency in which there has been too much political influence, too much union control and too little management courage and accountability.

Translation: For that matter, all unions can go fuck themselves.

And we have other good news. We signed agreements with Indian gaming tribes that should provide about a billion dollars for transportation this year. Not only will this improve California's highways, it will also create 16,000 new jobs.

Translation: We made great progress in taxing sovereign nations, and we'll use that revenue to pay shit wages to folks so that we can continue our torrid love affair with the automobile.

Now, when I first came to California, the roads fascinated me. Californians can't get from place to place on little fairy wings. This is a car-centered state. And we need roads.

Translation: If we want to drive Ford Extinctions, we're going to do it. If you don't like it, you're a girlie man. And I just really wanted to figure out how to fit the word "fairy" into my speech somewhere.

I love riding my motorcycle along the Pacific Coast Highway - the freedom of the road and the smell of the sea. That's the California spirit.

. . .

Yes, we need conservation. Yes, we need renewable energy. But California also needs power plants and transmission lines. We need more of them and we need them as soon as possible.

Translation: Fuck you liberals. Unfettered greed is the American way. More, more, more! Have I mentioned that I have six Hummers?

Number of times Arnold used the phrase "special interests"? Seven. Anytime he was talking about someone who might disagree with him.

He also managed to use the phrase "the people" fifteen times to legitimize just about every hideous thing he mentioned. For example, "Ignore the lobbyists. Ignore the politics. And trust the people," or my favorite:

If we here in this chamber do not work together to reform the government, the people will rise up and reform it themselves. And you know something. I will join them. And I will fight by their side.

Give me a fucking break Arnold. No revolution is immanent. No one here is going to rise up, and you are not going to fight by anyone's side. This is not an action movie.

And frankly, there is no such thing as "the people," and were there, you would not be of it.

Update: The Talent Show has a post on State Treasurer Angelides' ad campaign against Arnie's broken promises.

"This is a man who is walking in Christ"

Wow. Did anyone else know that David Berkowitz (aka Son of Sam) was on Focus on the Family last month? Scroll down to the bottom of the page for the three audio pieces.



Bill and Dave

If we'd known she was out...

My friend J.'s letter to the LA Times:

In Patrick Moore's commentary piece "Susan Sontag and a Case of Curious Silence," he says ..."the New York Times and the Los Angeles Times reported Sontag's death on their front pages, with more stories inside. Yet neither paper mentioned Sontag's relationships with Leibovitz and other women." I wondered then, and I wonder again now, why is that? How about an answer from the editor? Who made the decision to omit her many relationships with women (already in the public spotlight), and why?

The response:

Your letter was forwarded to the office of the readers' representative. Thank you for writing.

The editor overseeing obits got back to me to say this: He believed when the obit was written that Sontag had not commented publicly on her sexuality, so he chose not to include anything beyond the recognition of her marriage and divorce, all legal public record, in the obituary. He notes now that, had he known of her comments in the New Yorker article (cited by Patrick Moore yesterday), he would have included a line in the section in the obituary saying that while she did not marry again in her lifetime, she had relationships with both women and men.

Thanks for raising this point.

Jamie Gold
Readers' Representative

While I do commend the Times for actually writing back with more than a "thanks for sharing" email, it does sort of underscore what the gay marriage hubbub is about doesn't it? It's that "legal public record" thing.

Why I am pro-union

So by now, you may have heard that USAir is in the process of coming to a contract agreement. While the machinists union has not agreed to the new contract, the flight attendants are signed on for a 9% pay cut and a freeze in pay until 2007 (at which point, they will get a 1% increase).

But here's the point: when I was traveling last week--or I should say, when I was hanging around the Las Vegas airport bored out of my gills, hoping upon hope that I could one day board a plane--a lot of my fellow-delayees were grousing about the USAir sick out. "What are they trying to do?" they would say, "The airline is going bankrupt. There is no money. And now they are making all of the customers upset and hurting the business more."

"Is the CEO taking a pay cut?" I would ask them.

"Um, I don't know."

"What about the upper management and other executives; are they taking a pay cut?"

"Um I hadn't thought about that."

It was like that.

Under the new contract, the average flight attendant who has been at USAir five years makes $50,606. A ten-year veteran, $71,572. That's a lot, I know.

But how much does the CEO make? Last year: $8,996,026. Yes, that's right. Nine million dollars. Seventy-two dollars a minute, to be exact. It would take that ten-year worker 125 years to make a year of his salary. It would take a minimum wage earner until the year 2842.

And what I really want to know is why the LRWM always report labor disputes in that way (e.g., "thousands of travelers were delayed in airports across the country today as USAir employees called in sick while failing to settle a labor dispute with the struggling company"). They should say something like "CEO David Siegel is suffering from a severe case of 'let them eat cake' as he continues to rake in millions of dollars every year while asking his employees to take a pay cut."

The fact is, while I waited in the Vegas airport for 5 1/2 hours, the CEO of USAir made $23,760.

Go read this

at yelladog right now. Just because it's laugh-coffee-through-your-nose funny.

I'm sorry

but I find this very silly. I have this vision of an airline kind of thing: "At this time we are pre-boarding only..."

Pay no attention to the tit behind the curtain

The WaPo's In the Loop wants to know: will Gonzales tear down the curtain and that Ashcroft erected to conceal the bare breast of the Spirit of Justice from the leering eyes of the public. Yes, we know she is blind, but must she be topless as well? Good god, just keep Justin Timberlake away from her, that's what I say. Send your prediction, e-mail only, to: intheloop@washpost.com. Voting deadline is 6 p.m. tomorrow.

Kamen also wants to know:

And Another Thing . . .

Meanwhile, if the committee won't ask Gonzales about the curtain, perhaps it can inquire as to why President Bush calls him "Fredo"? Bush famously nicknames everyone, but Gonzales's name is Alberto. Gonzales is said not to know why he is called "Fredo."

Well, the obvious reason seems to be the sauce. Al-Fredo that is. But that said, were I Gonzales, I would certainly not be taking any boat rides with George.

What do Islamic terrorists and the fundies have in common?

Last week, we noted the Islamo/Christian National Brotherhood Week kick off song: "Everybody Hates the Queers." This week we bring you the Christian martyr call:

Being a martyr for Christ means more than actually being killed by a God-hater. It means to live one's life sacrificially and unselfishly.

Develop a heavenly mindset, learn to "hate your life in this world," make your life a living sacrifice for God and others, and you will soon see that sexual temptation has lost its power!

Say it again: strange bedfellows. Burkahs all around!!

I want some...

...of whatever Ann's been smoking:

Why was 2004 a great year?
"I’m thinking about putting up a reward on my Web page for any liberal who will mention either Afghanistan or the Kurds," she said. "I mean, 85 percent of Iraq is free, it’s beautiful—we have about 300 troops patrolling the entire Kurdish area. These poor beleaguered Kurds are free, are happy, are dancing in the streets, and liberals simply won’t mention them. I certainly thought Afghanistan was going to be a tougher nut to crack than Iraq—the Russians couldn’t take Afghanistan! They’ve basically been at war for a hundred years—even when nobody’s there, they’re at war with one another. We took Afghanistan in a month, and now they’ve had elections and women vote, and they didn’t vote for some crazy lunatic mullahs. So that’s a pretty good year."

The Iraqi people didn’t seem to have that great a Christmas.
"That’s right! But they’ll be opening Christmas presents soon enough," she said. "And then they’ll be happy. We’ll see, but things are going pretty well, and in most cases better than expected. We’re going to transform the Middle East by the time Bush leaves office, or it will be within shouting distance of there. I think Arabs flying planes into our skyscrapers will be as likely as a Japanese kamikaze pilot."

I think it's a good rule of thumb to disregard anyone who uses the phrase "futz around" in relation to fullscale warfare. (via Romenesko at Poynteronline)

Busy morning. . .

. . . but if you haven't been reading Jesus' General lately, you should. Good stuff. (You know, JG, it all started with Bert and Ernie. Big Bird didn't really stand a chance to hold his own with that sort of influence.)

The wrong element

I remember a thousand years ago when I was in high school, James Watt revealed himself to be the most culturally retarded member of Reagan's administration by canceling the Beach Boys fourth of July performance on the mall because they attracted "the wrong element." Instead, Wayne Newton played. Of course, as a teenage punk, I wouldn't have been caught dead at either concert. My friends and I scrawled "the wrong element" in sharpee across our tee-shirts and went to Rock against Reagan, as did all of DC's self-respecting teenage punks.

Well, those days are long gone, and instead of controversy over those boys and their woodie, we have Kid Rock scheduled to play at the inaugural youth concert hosted by those boozy sisters, Jenna and Barbara. Patridiot Watch has a sampling of his lyrics posted including lovely stanzas like:

Fuck U Blind

I'll fuck u blind bitch I'll fuck u blind bitch I'll fuck u blind till you just can't see no more

Pimp of the Nation

There's only two types of men
Pimps and John's
There's one type of bitch
And that's a ho

Charming.

I guess Lynne Cheney didn't have a hand in scheduling entertainment

Score one for the good guys

Staples will no longer advertise on Sinclair news programs, Oliver Willis tells us.

Reader Russell Tupper comments:

I'm glad Staples came out and did this, however they may have an alterior motive...I suspect that Staples is set to become the one-stop shop for all our libby-protesting needs.

I can just hear the radio-commerical on "Unfiltered":

"When you need posterboard and colored magic markers for your "Rumsfeld is a War Criminal" protests signs, 10,000 sheets of copy paper to publish your treatise on the effect of Glad Plug-Ins on Global Warming or just a few paper-clips to hold your roaches, load everyone up in the VW Bus and come on down to Staples - we'll treat you right, er, LEFT!"

I'm for it. I'll happily buy my counter-inaugural supplies there.

Those crazy Cheneys

Captions anyone?

Is your schoolyard breeding Muslims?

There is so much in the news that deserves comment: the White House's refusal to provide Gonzales' "we don't need no stinking Geneva Convention" memos; Bush's "you'll get my keyboard when you pry it from my cold, dead hands" retirement plan for America's youth; the upcoming "let's put a ceiling on the value of human life" trip to Illinois...and the list goes on.

But frankly folks, I don't have the stomach for it. I don't know if this cold has weakened my resistance to venal lies and corporate kneepads, but sustained analysis feels too difficult at this moment. Maybe I will rally later today.

In the meantime. . . I present you with excerpts from the oddly named Chick Publications' recent broadside, in which Susy saves Becky and Tashana from schoolgirl crushes that threaten to land them in the everlasting pits of hell:













Thank goodness for Susy. Not only were her friends dangerously close to getting diddled by horny Muslim pedophiles, but they would have had to wear those unfortunate scarves on their heads for the rest of their lives. Praise Jesus.

(Thanks to J-Walk for this one.)

Healing the economy

The Chicago Sun-Times yesterday unveiled its solution to our country's economic woes. Call it the commissar vanishes approach. Chicago Business reports:

In its year-ending stock quote tables, the paper accidentally printed prices from Jan. 03, 2004, giving the impression that the market's 2004 gains never occurred.

"I've had better days," says Business Editor Dan Miller.

. . .

Mr. Miller says he spent much of the day returning phone calls from confused readers, explaining how a failure to erase a computer file with the 2004 quotes led to the error this year. He said that while most readers understood some would inevitably be disappointed.

"If you were an Intel owner, you probably thought you were doing great again all of a sudden," he says. "You weren't."

I like it. Can we roll the international relations section back a decade or so while we're at it?

Steps

So yesterday morning I was watching one of those morning shows with people in chairs talking to each other about dumb stuff--something I don't usually do, but I was curious about the progress of the monsoon here in La--and they had this guy on stumping for his new book: Crunch Time: Eight Steps to Making the Right Life Decisions at the Right Times. Here's a sample blurb from Powells:

"If you're frustrated with any part of your life, don't put this book down! Crunch Time is packed with invaluable decision-making tools that can improve the quality of your life immediately. Ken Lindner's book helped me personally and professionally from page one." Lu Parker, Miss USA 1994 and television host, CBS San Antonio

So it got me thinking about this whole step phenomenon. Have you ever noticed how many books talk about taking steps to fulfillment? Like you can achieve these lofty goals or find inner peace oh-so-easily by just following this plan. It's simple because you just follow the steps. It can help you from page one. Shit, even if you just read a paragraph you'll notice results.

We've got No Regrets: A Ten-Step Program for Living in the Present and Leaving the Past Behind:

Everyone has regrets. But not everyone can overcome them, even when they interfere with the enjoyment of life. With this book as your guide, you'll learn how to let go of past mistakes, lost opportunities, and failed expectations to live richly in a present filled with hope and new possibilities.

Excellent! Tabula rasa in just ten steps.

And then there's Zing!: Five Steps and 101 Tips for Creativity on Command:

A five-step process for generating big ideas in business, personal, and professional contexts is outlined in this high-energy guide to the creative process.

I love that, "creativity on command." Fear not, all you MBAs out there, just because you spent your college years sucking up to the machine, it's only five quick steps before you'll be thinking outside the box.

Why, before you know it, you'll be needing Executive Charisma: Six Steps to Mastering the Art of Leadership:

You'll discover how to use humor to put others at ease, develop an impressive executive bearing, and master the "Sacred Six Steps" to becoming an outstanding leader:

Be the first to initiate
Expect and give acceptance to maintain esteem
Ask questions, and ask favors
Stand tall, straight, and smile
Be human, humorous, and hands-on
Slow down, shut up, and listen

If you yearn to go beyond survival and just getting by, to take charge of your life, your career, and your destiny, stop dreaming and get to work.

(Why do I suspect there's a seventh step for women: "Grow a penis"?)

And my personal favorite: Your Dream Relationship: Eleven Steps to Finding Unconditional Love, which we can only hope is shelved in the fiction section.

I can only surmise that the steps-to-Valhalla meme is the red-headed stepchild (forgive me) of AA and the other anons. And that's the irony of the project--the notion that something can be accomplished with ease and certainty when there are steps to follow. In AA and NA you'll sometimes hear people share that it's actually a two step program: stop drinking and change your entire life.

Yes, there are twelve steps, and yes, those steps do for members what countless other methods can't do. But shit, we're not talking "stand tall, straight, and smile"; we're talking more along the lines of find purpose in the universe, analyze your entire character, and devote your life to an ethic of service. Stuff like that. Though admittedly, "slow down, shut up, and listen" is a pretty good first step for addicts too.

People who end up where they don't expect to

As an aside, let me share that at least half a dozen folks ended up on my site today after searching for "Ashley Moreno" or one of the other Rose Bowl Queens, and I regularly get visitors from "Brazilian wax" searches.

I think that's pretty funny.

Resolutions

This from a new years card. Lovely:

The beet is the most intense of vegetables. The radish, admittedly, is more feverish, but the fire of the radish is a cold fire of discontent not of passion. Tomatoes are lusty enough, yet there runs through tomatoes an undercurrent of frivolity. Beets are deadly serious.

The beet is the most intense of vegetables. The onion has as many pages as War and Peace , everyone of which is poignant enough to make a strong man weep, but the various ivory parchments of the onion and the stinging green bookmark of the onion are quickly charred by belly juices and bowel bacteria. Only the beet departs the body the same color as it went it.

Beets consumed at dinner will, come morning, stock a toilet bowl with crimson fish, their hue attesting to beet's chromatic immunity to the powerful digestive acids and thoroughgoing microbes that can turn the reddest pimento, the orangest carrot, the yellowest squash into a single disgusting shade of brown.

At birth we are red-faced, round, intense, pure. The crimson fire of universal consciousness burns in us Gradually, however, we are devoured by parents, gulped by schools, chewed up by peers, swallowed by social institutions, wolfed by bad habits, and gnawed by age; and by the time we have been digested, cow style, in those six stomachs, we emerge a single disgusting shade of brown.

The lesson of the beet, then, is this:
hold on to your divine blush, your innate rosy magic, or end up brown.

Thank you Tom Robbins for the inspiration.

The odd couple

Bush has chosen daddy and bubba to lead post-tsunami rescue efforts.

You know, it's really sad that when the president does something seemingly intelligent and principled, I wonder either
1. what he's trying to cover up by doing something smart
or
2. who has advised him to do something smart, since he isn't capable of doing something reasonable all on his own.

Regardless, it's a good choice. Maybe these two can convince some of the compassionate Christians to pony up some money as well.

I guess W is finally done chopping logs and having yuletide relaxation because AP reports that he has ordered the flags at half mast (to commemorate the week after the disaster I suppose) and visited embassies bearing bouquets of roses (a task marginally more involved than stopping by the store on the way home from work, I might add). The Pentagon is ordering the USNS Mercy, a 1000-bed hospital ship to the area. One wishes they might have thought to do that earlier.

And the capper:

Scott McClellan, dismissed any suggestion the White House campaign to encourage private giving was behind that curve as well, saying the new effort was about ensuring that impressive flow continues.

"This will bring even more focus on the need to provide support for these international organizations in the affected areas," he said. "This is a human tragedy that is really beyond comprehension and we want to make sure we're doing everything we can both from the government perspective as well as private support to help those who are suffering."

Bush himself has not yet made a personal contribution, but plans to give an unspecified amount, McClellan said.

Just once in his life, could this guy pretend he gives a shit about anyone?

Tsunami photos

A small collection, but pretty astonishing (via Boing Boing)

More reasons to dislike Florida

Because rats seem to be a recurring theme here at NMTE, I need to say that New York and LA have it all over Florida.

Bush appoints James Gandolfini to cabinet

This from Democracy Now's new year's eve programming:

We spend the hour with John Perkins, a former respected member of the international banking community. In his book Confessions of an Economic Hit Man he describes how as a highly paid professional, he helped the U.S. cheat poor countries around the globe out of trillions of dollars by lending them more money than they could possibly repay and then taking over their economies.

From Powell's publisher comments:

In his controversial book, John Perkins tells the gripping tale of the years he spent working for an international consulting firm where his job was to convince underdeveloped countries to accept enormous loans, much bigger than they really needed, for infrastructure development — and to make sure that the development projects were contracted to U. S. multinationals. Once these countries were saddled with huge debts, the American government and the international aid agencies allied with it were able, by dictating repayment terms, to essentially control their economies. It was not unlike the way a loan shark operates — and Perkins and his colleagues didn't shun this kind of unsavory association. They referred to themselves as "economic hit men."

Has anyone here seen the movie Burn! starring Brando? I highly recommend it. While we're on the subject of unscrupulous practices of empire.

Just when I think they can no longer shock me

comes a story like this. Bush and company (aka Satan's helpers) are drawing up plans to detain Guantanamo Bay prisoners for life without trial if that feels like the right thing to do. The options are to either build a new prison for them at Guantanamo, which "would allow them more freedom and comfort than they had at present" or to send them back to their own countries to be locked up in US-built prisons there:

Local officials would run the prisons but the US would monitor them for compliance with human rights standards.

Boy that's a relief. I sure feel better that the good old U.S. of A. will be looking out for those folks. I mean, once you've determined to put someone in a cell forever with no trial, you're pretty much on thin human rights ice aren't you?

The Telegraph astutely concludes its article with the recognition that

The report coincided with the administration's decision quietly to shelve its controversial stance on torture, effectively repudiating a Justice Department memo arguing that the president could waive international decrees on "harmful acts."

So while all of the papers are reporting that the administration is backing away from their reprehensible line on human rights, the Pentagon is making plans to build concentration camps. Truly, this whole administration should just get fed to hungry lions.

Guy at Rook's Rant, from whence the link comes, begs the obvious question if we are purportedly spreading democracy around the globe how is that we are doing so by shredding the Constitution? "Maybe I need to read the constitution in it's original Klingon," Guy ponders.

Now we know...

...what Bill O'Reilly does in his spare time (via A Civil Tongue).

Vigils

What unspeakable grief. Every day since the tsunami, parents walk the beach or travel from village to village, bearing witness to their loss and hoping their children will be returned to them. The BBC has set up a site for people searching for loved ones. The lists are heartbreaking, so long and fearful.

What's wrong with objectivism

Otherwise known as why I hate Ayn Rand.

Update: at least they try to stick to their own kind.

Post-update update: The Randians (Randites?) must be feeling the heat. They've yanked the article, but you can read it at e p o n y m o u s.

If only I had known...

They Took Everything: the online registry for the newly single (via Presurfer). Shop here for items like the single guy's gift basket (which includes toilet paper, soap, shaving cream, disposable razors, air freshener, and the latest copies of magazines such as Mens Health and Maxim); the x-b-gone kit to excise them from your photos (a little basket of scissors, white out, markers, etc.); and the self help therapy magnet set (with a cut out of your ex and stick-on accessories such as jumper cables, diapers, and little magnetic chicken heads). For those of you who can't wait, there's on online version of the latter.

Putting the bomb in bombshell

Robert Friedrichs has spent six months looking for Miss Atomic Bomb.



He has researched in libraries and archives, collected a scrapbook of clippings, and talked to coworker "copa girls" from years gone by. To no avail.

Today's LA Times reports on his personal quest:

She's "truly a piece of our popular culture," said Friedrichs, a physical scientist with the National Nuclear Security Administration. . . .

During the 1950s heyday of nuclear testing, the Nevada Test Site — about 65 miles northwest of Las Vegas — was a tourist attraction.

"It was new, it was different, it was exciting," Friedrichs said. People "wanted to see it and be a part of it." The atomic craze spawned cocktails and happy hours scheduled around watching the nuclear blasts poolside, and spurred families to head up nearby Angel Peak to see the flashes.

Residents "also were caught up in the whole revelry of it," said Bill Johnson, director of the Atomic Testing Museum, slated to open in February.

Everyone needs a dream, I guess.

Myself, I am just disappointed that they put the kibosh on the specialty plate:

What I didn't do on my Christmas break

Let me take a moment to express my appreciation that I did not have to attend MLA this year. The New York Times has the obligatory annual send-up of that confabulation's excesses. Some of the paper titles they highlight:

"'Dude! Your Dress Is So Cute!' Patterns of Semantic Widening in 'Dude,'"
"She's Just Like Alvy Singer! Kissing Jessica Stein and the Postethnic Jewish Lesbian,"
"A Pynch in Time: The Postmodernity of Prenational Philadelphia in Thomas Pynchon's Mason and Dixon and Mark Knopfler's 'Sailing to Philadelphia,'"
and
"Wandering Genitalia in Late Medieval German Literature and Culture"

By my reckoning, either the NYT reporter was a bit lazy, or the program is less silly than usual.

In fairness, I will say that while I am immensely grateful that I have changed careers and do not have to don my best suit and spend a week selling myself when nearly everyone else in the country is gathered with family and friends, I do recognize that the academy is unfairly maligned by a fervently anti-intellectual culture. Secede from the Union stands up for the annual ritual, and bless her for it. The academy needs people who can think critically about its rites while not rejecting the whole proposition. For me, the cost/benefit analysis just didn't look promising.

When I say LA is the most decadent city

I mean that in the true fin de siecle sense. Where else can you rent-a-midget? (via memepool)

Pulling together after the disaster

The BBC is reporting that Israel has cancelled plans to send a 150-person rescue team to Sri Lanka after Colombo objected to the fact that 60 soldiers were part of the team:

Sri Lanka Ambassador Diffa Digeratna is quoted by Jerusalem Post as saying that the change was due to "the lack of accommodations in Colombo".

Um...sure. I mean, they are a rescue team, Diffa. I'm certain they weren't expected to stay in a nice hotel, but if that's the story you want to tell...

Instead Israel will send a small team to escort a supply convoy.

Pretty fucked up if you ask me.

Proud to be a Californian

Even in the face of the abhorrent public attitudes noted by the Alternate Brain, California has passed legislation giving gay and lesbian couples registered as domestic partners many of the same legal rights as married heterosexuals. Parental rights, community property rights, and insurance rights all take effect today. The irony of it all? Though gays and lesbians still may not marry, couples registered as domestic partners are required to divorce if they split up. True story. There's equal rights for you.

How much is 9.0?

This much. You better believe those rapture folks are packing bags.

More on the decline of the American empire

So Andrea sent me the following paragraph from the Organic Consumers Association newsletter:

WORLD'S MOST POWERFUL NATION IS SICK
The World Health Organization has announced that the U.S. now has shorter life expectancies and higher infant and child mortality rates than Canada, Japan and all of Western Europe, except Portugal. Factors contributing to this decline in public health include weaker laws on toxic chemicals, higher levels of economic disparity, junk food diets, and a lack of health care access for millions of families. According to the Congressional Budget Office, average prices for pharmaceutical drugs in the top 25 industrialized nations of the world are 35% to 55% lower than in the United States, where profits of pharmaceutical companies are on the rise. Learn more...

Sure enough, the WHO stats are pretty depressing. Gee whiz, within our "WHO region," the two countries with better stats are Cuba and Canada, the ones with socialized medicine. It makes me crazy that the Republicans seems to have a lock-down on the dialogue around socialized medicine, when it seems fairly clear that the "lower quality of care" they fear monger about actually means people live longer and fewer babies die.

But wait, there's more... When I followed the "learn more" link, it took me to an editorial originally from the LA Times, republished in Common Dreams arguing for reimportation of drugs:

A 2001 study by the consumer advocacy group Public Citizen found that drug companies' favorite customers paid just a little over half the retail price. This leaves the 67 million Americans without insurance to pay cash, with no rebates, at double the prices paid by the most-favored customers.

The fight against re-importation of drugs is a fight to continue to charge our uninsureds full price while giving everyone else a rebate.

But what about all those programs drug companies provide to help the indigent pay for drugs? If they really worked, the Kaiser Family Foundation wouldn't have reported that 15% of uninsured children and 28% of uninsured adults had gone without prescription medication in 2000 because of cost, and 87% of uninsured individuals with serious health problems reported trouble obtaining medication.

People today have to choose between drugs and food. The journal Diabetes Care recently reported on a study of older adults with diabetes. One in three said they went without food to pay for drugs.

Of course, while these policies are a disgusting display of venality, this is not new news for those of us for whom health care is an important issue. What is notable here is the editorial's author: Peter Rost, vice president of marketing at Pfizer.

Go fucking figure. Something tells me Rost may just ignore that memo.

Stopping to smell the roses

Today, as anyone living in Southern California knows, is the Rose Bowl and attendant parade. I am quite happy to be impacted only insofar as I heard the fighter jets doing their blue angel thing this morning. But I do have a new year's day treat for everyone...a gallery of Rose Queens

This year's Queen Ashley Moreno and court:




While not embarrassing in that "sleeves as big as your head" kind of way (see 1993 below), Ashley and company are pretty bland compared to some of the lovely ladies of years gone by.

Take 1923 Queen May McAvoy, for example:




Or 1951 Queen Eleanor Payne and court with their stylish shoes and handbags dyed to match:




1967's Queen Barbara Hewitt and court are clearly hoping for future careers as flight stewards:




1977 was a notable year not so much for Queen Diane Ramaker's attire as her court's dresses, which seem to be designed to make these poor women look like they ate the wrong side of some Alice in Wonderland cake:




Things aren't looking much better in 1993, when Queen Liana Yamasake and court determine to show their kinship with the linebackers by eschewing sleeves in favor of giant cabbages:




And my personal favorite, 1972's superfly Queen Margolyn Johnson and court.
Yeah baby.

Tsunami satellite images

Via Resource Shelf, come these two sites with satellite pictures of the effects of the tsunami: the New York Times' unfortunately-titled "Asia's Deadly Waves" feature and Earth Observatory's set of images, from which these photos are taken:



Indonesia's Aceh province 29 December 2004 and 10 January 2003.

For no other reason...

...except they're so damn cute. Baby lynxes--part of the thus-far successful program to reintroduce the animals to Colorado:



In other animal news, the tsunami seems to have spared most of the wildlife, giving credence to the idea that animals have a sixth sense about disasters. For his part, Nic tends to go right under the bed whenever there is an earthquake, which is pretty much the worst place he could be.

A rose by any other name

More front-page gems from the LA Times: a story on healthy chocolate. The story focuses on Bissinger's "spa chocolates," a $15.95 box of seven chocolates, one for each day of the week. If you eat these, you can:

Shed your guilt. Chocolate can have a place in your healthy lifestyle. Ingredients in our confections have been linked to improved cardiovascular health, lowered risk of certain types of cancer, a reduction in body weight, and a slowing of the aging process. Nothing's more gratifying. Treat yourself. Treat yourself well.

But of course, spa chocolates are part of a general trend that includes CocoaVia, whose tag line is "be good to your heart everyday." Their website instructs customers that one must eat two bars every day to get the full benefit of "naturally occurring cocoa flavanols which promote healthy circulation and healthy blood vessels."

The story also mentions Ecco Bella's health by chocolate line, which frankly, sounds so great I'm thinking of going out and buying a case so that I too can have porcelain skin, fight cancer, and "experience the euphoric feeling of being in love":

Formulated with Dr. Philip Cohen, Professor of Dermatology. With more antioxidants than most fruit or vegetables, it's choc-full of minerals, too! We infused it with cranberry seed oil for omega 3 fatty acids, plus blueberry extract, lutein, lycopene, astaxanthin and as much fiber as an apple. But what you'll taste is rich Swiss chocolate.

This chocolate is low glycemic so it releases its sugar slowly. And don't worry about the fat. Cocoa butter is a healthy fat that won't raise your cholesterol levels, but keeps skin healthy. health by chocolate is a decadent way to soft, smooth, luxurious looking skin. So now you can be bad to look good.

Stupid headline department

The front page, above the fold headline in today's LA Times?

"Bush Boosts US Aid Tenfold"

You know, I am a cynical person (actually, I am a disappointed idealist, but that's a distinction for another time). I tend to look for ulterior motives in most everything this administration does, but it never occurred to me that they would pledge a paltry amount so that their real pledge could be spun as "tenfold."

I haven't said anything about the tsunami here for a couple of reasons. First, I was away when it happened, and most everyone has commented on it, giving links for donations and information. And second, honestly, words pretty much fail me. Patrick sums it up saying, "Sometimes, attempting to project order and sense onto chaos is a losing proposition." The disaster is so epic that it feels to me like the Bible is the only template for understanding, and lacking a belief in that...