AP headlines brought to you by the letter "duh"

Feminists Face Tough Times After Election

With incisive commentary like "some of Bush's best friends are women":

Bush, of course, can make a strong case that he respects women — his new Cabinet will likely have four, including Condoleezza Rice (news - web sites) as secretary of state, and women for years have been among his closest political and legal advisers.

Beyond Washington, meanwhile, women are making impressive professional gains — as big-city police chiefs and university presidents, for example. They now comprise roughly half the enrollment in U.S. medical schools. And though a wage gap persists, woman now earn 80 percent of what men do, compared to 62 percent in 1980.

Gee whiz. What are all those bra-burners complaining about then? If a woman can be a big-city police chief and earn 80% of what a man does...well, good for you, honey.

Abbas Sees 'Difficult Mission' After Win

Mahmoud Abbas declared victory in Palestinian presidential elections on Sunday after exit polls showed him winning by a wide margin, giving him a decisive mandate to renew peace talks with Israel, rein in militants and try to end more than four years of Mideast bloodshed.

Good luck with that. And can we all just agree to stop using the word "mandate." All it means is that someone was elected, ferchrissakes.

Plum Job Opportunities Await Old Cabinet

Given their employment options, former Cabinet officials are less likely than former members of Congress to become rank-and-file lobbyists, he said.

Several officials who left during Bush's first term quickly found new sources of income.

Well, I'm relieved to know they won't be clogging up those welfare rolls.