Brand Travis ™

So this morning I got an email forward from another single woman friend of mine with a sort of "get a load of this" sentiment. Certainly, anyone who knows me reasonably well can understand why a person would forward me an advice column with the header "Why do I attract the wrong men?" This--the lament--is the "dog bites man" part of the page. But the advice...The Advice!!!

You need to first define your "personal brand." A personal brand is a set of qualities about yourself that you consistently promote to everyone around you that best summarizes who you are and who you want to attract. If your brand is "happy, positive, encouraging," you are signaling to those "down-and-out men" that they can find some comfort with you. While you can possess those qualities inside, you don't have to advertise them so strongly. I'm not suggesting that you act depressed or sad, of course (which would be a turn-off)! But, perhaps if you showcased other qualities about yourself that focused on intellectual, athletic, or cultural interests, for example, you would attract more men who have well-rounded lives and aren't looking for a shoulder to cry on above all else. If your personal brand was "Architect, Cyclist, Wine-Lover," it seems more likely that a man would be initially drawn to you for other reasons besides looking for sympathy and a good listener.

How do you change and promote your personal brand? First, identify three unique attributes about yourself other than "happy, positive and encouraging" (clearly that has not been working for you). Then examine the ways you have been meeting men: If you have an online profile on a dating site, be sure that your screen name, headline, and background detail are consistent with your new personal brand. When you talk to friends and family who might set you up on a blind date, remember to ask them to describe you to potential dates according to your new personal brand (i.e., "Have you met my friend Joan? She’s an architect and avid cyclist who just returned from a wine-tasting trip in Napa Valley." Rather than, "Have you met my friend Joan? She’s such a positive, happy, encouraging person.")

Oh my fucking god. Of course, I had to go to Rachel Greenwald's site, which is dedicated to marketing her book, Find a Husband After 35: Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School.

I have written before about my distaste for the xx-step program mentality pervading all of life, but this takes the cake. Greenwald offers a 15-point program that, among other things, helps you

Devise a "Personal Brand" and be unique
"Package" yourself to improve your appearance
Use "Niche Marketing" and "Telemarketing" in your husband search
Use "Mass Marketing" to increase the volume of men you meet
Maximize "Online Marketing" to attract the best men from online dating sites
Use "Advertising" to get more fix-ups from friends
"Audit" your efforts and conduct "Exit Interviews"
Use "Best Practice" dating rules for retaining the men you want

Admittedly, I find myself really drawn to the notion of exit interviews, though I'm thinking it might not work well for me: "Um, when you get your head out of the oven, I'd like to set up a time where we can talk about what exactly went wrong." What's more, I can say that Brand Travis™ has ranged from "death wish--ice cold--club girl" to "passionate--scrabble playing--stand-up comedian" and yet...I seem to somehow always end up marketing to the same nitch (sadly, it happens to be a nitch I share with Eli Lilly, but hey).

And I'll confess, for all of my distaste (revulsion?) for the marketing and branding mentality, I admit that I have contemplated my own ad--"In search of attractive, well read, Marxist chef." There are precious few of those in the world and even fewer in LA which specializes in "beemer driving--blackberry sporting--borderline pedophiles" and "silicon filled--gleaming toothed--workout queens." I figure I'm in good shape though. It's about that business concept Greenwald failed to mention--monopoly. There simply aren't that many A-cup sardonic post-punk materialist (in the Marxist sense, not the Capitalist one) PhD girls in this town.