Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Mahalo, the matrix has you

So I am apparently staying at the most profitable hotel in the world (who knew?). When we arrived here (after 4pm), one of our two rooms was not ready. They told us to come back in two hours. We said that was not okay. So they found another room. (After some considerable delay, I might add.) My traveling buddy went to check into that room, but she needed a king bed and they'd given her a room with two doubles. So then we switched rooms. (And let me add here that one of the rooms was charged at the wrong rate and the other had the wrong check out date.)

Then, of course, I went to set up my computer. We'd asked at the desk about high speed access and they gave us a cable. Thing is--the room is set up for wireless. So I get my wireless card and try to connect. One bar. One of those "the gerbils are running as fast as they can" connections. I can't even connect well enough to pay for connection. So I call the 800 number and talk to the guy who tells me I can get a wireless bridge--that he'll call the front desk and have them send one up.

A little while later I get a call from the hotel. There will be a one dollar fee, the woman tells me, to bring the wireless bridge to my room. Otherwise I can come get it at the front desk.

And here, I need to cut in and underscore that I am here, not for a vacation, but as staff on an event that is filling thousands of rooms here this weekend. Whatever. The lesson we learned today is that one doesn't get to be the most profitable through great customer service or even common sense.

This place is totally like biosphere for the cruise class. It's vast--a compound, you could say. I'm trying not to have Logan's Run anxiety, but I fully expect to wake to find a crystal in the palm of my hand that's gone black.

Today's riddle:
Q: When does "high speed" mean "super slow"?
A: When when you're connecting to the Internet on island time.

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