I am enough of a snob that I tend to eschew emoticons. I see them as symptomatic of the post-literate quality of our era--that is, if you write well enough, you shouldn't need a little smiley to say "I'm kidding."
Be that as it may, I sometimes fight the desire to insert just such a smiley. When that urge strikes, I usually write, "If I believed in emoticons I would insert a smiley here." Like I said, I'm a snob.
Today it occurred to me that if there were an emoticon like those purple Zoloft anxiety bubbles, I would be using them in just about every email I send right now.
I've said it before--the shoemakers' elves are really an adult fantasy. In their absence, I continue to search for a warp in the time-space continuum so that I can get all of the shit done I need to. Instead I am trying to content myself with listening to the Pixies and trying not to hyperventilate.