Wednesday, July 12, 2006

I'm in love with the real world

Okay, I've now had three different people ask me if I'm okay simply on the basis of my online invisibility. I've started to post here several times explaining what's going on with me, but then I sort of questioned my motivations in doing so and didn't finish. Nonetheless, the third time's the charm--so, in a nutshell....

You will recall that at the end of March I posted about my new boyfriend crashing his motorcycle and breaking nearly a dozen bones, having his elbow reconstructed, casts on both arms, yada yada... Then there was that week long work conference of mine and this project I am coordinating, which has a major league deadline looming. That started picking up steam. Then of course, the more recent accident of mine where things that were supposed to hold air (tires and lungs, in particular) did not. In the course of taking care of me, said boyfriend (aka The Elbow) broke a metal plate in his reconstructed elbow and had to go in for more surgery including a bone graft on the fourth. So we have the bone graft, off the charts intense work situation, accident recovery, insurance, need new car, blah blah blah my-head-is-exploding kind of stress. When I went for my follow-up doctor's appointment, the guy wouldn't see me because of my hmo coverage. Then I found out my primary doctor is gone--moved away. When I did get in to see someone new, she told me the medical center discovered a lesion on my thyroid and I need a follow-up scan (which happens Monday). And while I am certain it is nothing, the news had me weeping into my cell phone on the little grass strip in front of the medical offices. Me: "Sob...sob...I'm sure it's nothing...sob..." It's like that. To top it all off, the workgroup for my project is in town, and my body has determined to menstruate fiercely through every conference and workgroup meeting I attend. My kingdom for the red tent.

But, as I wrote to C earlier today, let me not give the wrong impression. Truly I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am seriously contemplating taking up a career change as a country western pop singer, but "collapsed lung" doesn't scan very well and, shucks, I was driving a Toyota.

Really I have lost neither my sense of humor nor my perspective. I'm so very aware that things could be so much worse. I could have easily not walked away from my accident--when you hit a concrete wall at 70 and don't break a bone, you're a lucky girl. I have great peeps in my life who have been helping me in so many ways. My job is amazingly great even if it feels so stressful sometimes it amazes me I don't just spontaneously combust. And then there's The Elbow. (Did I mention below he's calling us a "match made in hospital"? Anyway, any guy who calls you the day after his bone graft from the hospital bed because he's "worried about you" and your stress level pretty much rocks even if he does have bad politics.

All of that said, this has been one of the most stressful periods in a long time. I cannot remember being this stressed out since lo those many years ago when I was married to a complete nutter. At least these days I'm not getting ambulance bills that say "Reason for conveyance: Head in natural gas oven."

So that's where I've been. I'm not sure when I'll be back on a regular basis, but probably pretty soon. I do miss blogistan.

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