Story of the day

What if Howard Stern turned to a life of crime? That's what this story makes me think. Running across that story and then being treated to Will's yard art picture this morning made me think it's bound to be a good day today.

Site of the day

This just totally cracked me up so I have to share it. A just forwarded me an email thread between herself and her cousin about mohels, and within it was the URL for Dr. Diamond's site (he is the mohel of choice appparently). His slogan, of course, is "Nothing cuts like a diamond."

I'm beginning to believe bad puns are a genetically linked disease not unlike Taysachs.

And another thing: NOAM, the National Organization of American Mohelim, really sounds like an organization from a David Foster Wallace novel.

2007 Darwin Awards

They've announced the Darwin Awards for this year, and I really think the wrong entry won. The winners of this years' Darwin Award were a couple who apparently died after falling off a slanted roof upon which they were doing the nasty.

But the second place guy is a class by himself in my book:

Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation.
The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe alcohol by mouth due to a painful throat ailment, so he elected to receive his favourite beverage via enema. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party. Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address!

When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead.

The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. According to toxicology reports, his blood alcohol level was 0.47%.

In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident.

Now that's commitment.

What we talk about when we talk about copyediting

The New Yorker has published a copy of Raymond Carver's "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love" including Gordon Lish's copyediting. Pretty amazing stuff. Lish turned a good story great. If you've ever doubted that truism, "Everyone needs a copyeditor," have a look.

QOTD

"It's not uncommon for hunters to be shot by their dogs."

Help me out here people

I'm trying to think of an occasion where having the capacity to play .mp3s on your taser might be important, useful or convenient but I just can't come up with anything.

I will say if I had such a device, I'd be sorely tempted to load it with tunes like "Shock the Monkey" and Lou Christie's "Lightning Strikes."

If you can't say it, you can't bomb it

As I've noted here in the past, at some recent time "nu-cu-lar" became an accepted pronunciation according to Merriam-Webster (and others, I'm sure). Still, I'm old school and every time our frat boy leader says "nu-cu-lar" it grates on me. Of course, the whole "shucks, I'm just a country boy" routine makes me want to projectile vomit after my head spins around a little. (And is it just my imagination or is Edwards leaning on that southern drawl more than he used to?) The American anti-intellectual spirit that goes something like "We're so busy setting fence posts on our ranch we don't have time to worry about book learnin'," is both embarrassing and infuriating. Reagan and Bush have both managed to push their homespun images to a point of near parody, and the country as a whole seems perfectly willing to go right along with them in their pork-rind-eating, cowboy-boot-wearing, hayseed-chewing matter of fact feeling that we can't be burdened by the hifallutin business of learning the law or consulting the Constitution. Common sense (read ideology) trumps all that intellectual stuff.

I made the great mistake of listening to the news this morning which is what inspired this post. Generally I try to just read the news so that I don't have to actually listen to Bush's voice at all. I tuned in toward the end of Olmert's long intro piece that was being simultaneously translated, and at its close, Bush pipes up, "The interpreter got it right," which was another but apparently funnier way of saying, "I'm a monolingual idiot and this is all over my head." Jesus, could we just elect someone that doesn't generate the same sort of shame that the drunk relative at the party engenders? Even if I don't agree with him (or her) I'd just like to have a president that I didn't feel like sending apology notes to other heads of state about.

So I decided this morning, while listening to Bush yap about the middle east, that one shouldn't be allowed to declare war on (or invade) a country unless you can pronounce its name right. So no war on "Eye Ran" or "Eye Raynians." Sorry.

Never mind cats and dogs

It's raining gazelles and giraffes out there. Bison even.

Couldn't get through the pass tonight to get to K's house. Went part way and then quailed and made a shaky waterlogged u-turn to come home. To the guy who powered by me in frustration burying my car in a zero-visibility wake, thanks buddy. Luckily for me I managed to not drive into opposing traffic even though I could see less than nada and the road was submerged under feet of water.

In short, it was a scary ride. I am still jittery from the adrenaline. I had to park on the street because the water in my space in the lot is more than ankle deep. It's about a hair's breadth from the door crack. Another hour of this rain and my carpets would have been sloshy.

It's supposed to continue through the weekend by which time everyone in Malibu will be living in a houseboat I suppose.

Anyway, I've set all of my soaked clothes out to dry and am happily tucked in bed with my computer, my fat cat, and the last book of the Harry Potter series (finally, I know). Happily I have both popcorn and ice cream on hand.

I got my sonic reducer. Ain't no loser

Greetings from travellers purgatory. I am on hour twelve of my trip east and I have made it no farther than the Delta terminal in Las Vegas. My flight out of LA was two hours late taking off. I was one of twenty people who had forty minutes in McCarren to transfer to an Orlando flight and US Air assured us that they would probably hold the flight for us and even if we didn't make it, we were rescheduled on alternative flights. They failed to mention that they had rescheduled us through Phoenix on the 24th, which is to say, tomorrow. (As an aside, we were also told here that they never hold a flight. The attendant actually said, "Well, they lied to you.")

As it turns out a number of us were able to get seats on a red eye that leaves here at 10:30 and arrives in Orlando at 6am. Those who know me, can imagine how well I will fare meeting my brother, sister, brother-in-law, niece, family friend, and her six year old daughter at 7am or so when we can get from Orlando to Melbourne.

Did I mention the special security screening where they make you walk through this weird CAT-scan-like structure that blows jets of air at you? It's like a waterless jacuzzi standing on end. Anyway, the fact that I was in the airport nine hours early for my flight apparently triggered some terrorist red flag and I was marked for special screening.

In any case, I am excited that it's only a little more than two hours before my flight should depart, and I'll be at my sister's house in about eight hours.

Things I am grateful for:

My ipod shuffle (and Conor's eclectic mixes which are providing most of the contents)
Free wireless at McCarren airport
The Invisible Circus, the Jennifer Egan novel I brought with me
Family like Pat who is willing to drive to Orlando at the ass-crack of dawn on Christmas eve to pick me up
Did I mention my shuffle?
Oh, and the fact that I'm a non-smoker. Big time. If I were still a smoker, it would be a bad, bad, bad scene today.

The woman behind me in line at US Air customer service told me there's this show on the Oxygen network called "Snapped" that's about women who just "snap." I'm here to tell you, that would be me. Add a little withdrawal to this equation and I fear to even contemplate...

Challah back

Okay, I know Hannukah is long since over, but I just got this clip a couple of days ago, and it's totally worth sharing. Merry Jewmas everyone. I hope the Chinese food is delicious and the movie is great.

Site of the day

Waste time at work and donate rice to places like Myanmar, Cambodia, and Nepal at the same time. (Thanks to Donna for the link.)

What the hell is Jesus doing in the House of Representatives?

Today the House of Representatives overwhelmingly passed this resolution:

H. Res. 847
In the House of Representatives, U. S., December 11, 2007.

Whereas Christmas, a holiday of great significance to Americans and many other cultures and nationalities, is celebrated annually by Christians throughout the United States and the world;

Whereas there are approximately 225,000,000 Christians in the United States, making Christianity the religion of over three-fourths of the American population;

Whereas there are approximately 2,000,000,000 Christians throughout the world, making Christianity the largest religion in the world and the religion of about one-third of the world population;

Whereas Christians and Christianity have contributed greatly to the development of western civilization;

Whereas the United States, being founded as a constitutional republic in the traditions of western civilization, finds much in its history that points observers back to its Judeo-Christian roots;

Whereas on December 25 of each calendar year, American Christians observe Christmas, the holiday celebrating the birth of their savior, Jesus Christ;

Whereas for Christians, Christmas is celebrated as a recognition of God's redemption, mercy, and Grace; and

Whereas many Christians and non-Christians throughout the United States and the rest of the world, celebrate Christmas as a time to serve others: Now, therefore, be it

Resolved, That the House of Representatives--

(1) recognizes the Christian faith as one of the great religions of the world;

(2) expresses continued support for Christians in the United States and worldwide;

(3) acknowledges the international religious and historical importance of Christmas and the Christian faith;

(4) acknowledges and supports the role played by Christians and Christianity in the founding of the United States and in the formation of the western civilization;

(5) rejects bigotry and persecution directed against Christians, both in the United States and worldwide; and

(6) expresses its deepest respect to American Christians and Christians throughout the world.

The Roll Call is here. 372 yeas. I don't even know what to say.

And I call myself cultured

The New York Times just released their 100 notable books list for 2007. I have read approximately zero of them, though looking back at previous years' lists is slightly less embarrassing. At least I've read a few 2006ers and 5s. I know that I shouldn't find these sorts of lists depressing, but I do. There simply isn't enough time in the world. You know you're a little depressed when everything seems to remind you of your mortality.

Shepard Fairey: Propaganda remix artist or plaigarist?

Mark Vallen has an interesting article on his site framing Shepard Fairey as a plaigarist.

From Vallen's site: [ Left: Fairey’s plagiarized poster. Right: Original street poster from Czechoslovakia’s, Prague Spring - Artist unknown 1968. The poster depicts a Soviet Red Army soldier in 1945 as a liberator, then as an oppressor in 1968.]

The research on Fairey's iconography is impressive and my hat is off to Vallen for putting the article together and sharing it on his site. That said, I wish the tone were moderated a bit. At times it's hard not to see it as the product of vituperative jealousy. Knowing the little of Vallen's work I do, I don't think that's the case; I suspect Vallens has less of a bone to pick with Fairey's riches and reknown than he does with a postmodern zeitgeist that levels everything to the same meaningless image goulash. I'm sympathetic to that view; I tend to be unconvinced by the third wave of any "ism" (marxism, feminism...) and deconstruction only goes so far. But even with me imputing those good motives to the critique, the article still comes off as too bitter for my taste. Maybe it's the effect of blogs. I am an unapologetic defender of blogs (no kidding), but there's a proper tone and approach for everything and "asshat" isn't a word that should be used outside of a rant (Note: Vallen doesn't use "asshat" anywhere in the article.)

But really, I didn't post about the article to criticize it. I wanted to post about it because it raises some really interesting questions. In this age of remixes and mash-ups, Vallen's article makes me wonder where one crosses the line from re-use and re-contextualizing to just plain stealing. Vallen mentions Roy Lichtenstein by way of contrast, refering to Lichtenstein's "Look Mickey" as an example of a painting that appropriates images but with the viewer's full knowledge of the source material. But then I think some of Lichtenstein's other paintings and they seem more similar to Fairey's to me in that they appropriate comic book panels without crediting the original.

In short, I'm not sure what to make of Fairey's relentless pillaging of images for his own productions. Is it simply plaigarism? Is it postmodernism? Is Fairey some sort of Commie Murakami or is it all just "rebellious patina and ersatz activism"? In my darker moments I wonder if a guy like Fairey really is a kind of radical, packaging fake rebellion and profiting handsomely off of his own particular marriage of leftist iconography and capitalist marketing.

[I'd like to note that in the course of today since first reading Vallen's article, I have come across two stories that are probably each worth their own blog post, but who has time. First, BBC reported a couple of weeks ago on teens who were arrested for stealing virtual furniture in "Habbo Hotel," a 3D social networking site. Apparently people pay real money for this virtual furniture (4000 euros worth in this case) and these kids used a fake site to swipe people's passwords and then take their "stuff." Second, Stockholm's Museum of Modern Art has discovered that its 100-some Warhol Brillo boxes are all fakes, whatever that means.]

Site of the day

This is a pretty nifty new site that gives a quick look at the flight delays out of any given airport. Of course, if you're flying and worried about a delay, you'd be looking up your own flight number and carrier, but this gives a pretty good idea of just how much of a c.f. you're going to find at the airport when you get there. Good information to have.

I've decided I'm goyish this year

I'm sorry but December 4th is just way, way too early for a gift-giving occasion. I have determined to be Christian this year because I need the extra three weeks. Plus I don't know how to make jelly doughnuts, but I do know how to make peppermint meringues and cranberry poundcake so that works out too.

The key to happiness is low expectations

After working myself into a state of utter anxiety yesterday, the biopsy was really just fine. The worst part of the whole procedure is the lidocaine shots (or whatever the numbing agent is). My doctor rocks and the nurses were so nice that they even noticed I'd dyed my hair since my last visit. (They said I was "a breath of fresh air.")

But the really great news is that I was wrong: the nodule is the same as it was a year ago. It's really big, but no bigger than before. Dr. K just said that she was going to recommend an annual biopsy because that's the safest course of action. I should get results in about a week or so, but it seems like I don't have anything to worry about.

So now I am, headache and all, feeling pretty grateful. I guess that's the best thing about a day like yesterday. On a day like today I can say, "Hey, what a great day. I probably don't have cancer."

So very superfly

Via Zefrank comes this link to highlights from the 1975 JC Penny's catalog. Enjoy.

Biopsy...blah

So I have to go get my thyroid biopsied again this afternoon in a couple of hours and even though I know it will be fine (I mean, even if it's not fine, it will be fine, if you know what I mean), I'm nervous as hell. I don't know if it's the time of year (two weeks before my mother's yarzheit) or what, but I'm really antsy. I will be so glad when the thing is over.

A little back story for those who were not following along: Last year when I had my car accident, in the course of scanning my collapsed lung, they discovered a nodule on my thyroid. I had it biopsied about a year ago, and they didn't find any malignancy, but my doctor said I should have an ultrasound every year to make sure it hasn't grown or changed. Well, I guess it's grown or changed (I'll get more real information this afternoon) because she wants to do another biopsy. It's a needle biopsy where they numb your throat and then go in and take a bunch of samples from different spots (there is a sonogram tech there guiding the process too). I can't remember how many samples they take (3? 4?) or that much about it (love my ability to block out trauma), but I know it's more uncomfortable than painful--a pretty simple procedure. Nonetheless you would think I was having brain surgery for how I feel right now.

Yuck. I hate this sort of thing so much.

Correction--How many zeroes in a trillion?

You may have noticed that "cost of the war" ticker in the sidebar of NMTE (you have to scroll down some way to see it). I had wondered a while back whether I should remove it because it just seemed unlikely that we were still spending at such a rate and I would hate to be posting untrue propaganda (true propaganda, on the other hand, I'm fine with). So then Shane forwards me this article which puts the cost of the war at 1.3 trillion dollars or $16,500 for a family of four.

Sickening.